Finding What You Missed
by nytedreamer
Summary: Willow and Xander look for what they have been missing.  First WillowXander fic hope you all like it.  R&R always Please :


Finding What You Missed

Willow looked out her window and sighed. Sitting in her window seat looking out at the beautiful summer sun that shown on Sunnydale. The day was warm and wonderful. Full of life and hope. It had been forever since she had looked out her window and seen anything resembling wonderful. The last time she had seen a day like this was the day that her heart had broken in two. The day that Xander had left Sunnydale and her behind him. It had been 4 years since she had seen her friend. Since he had gone away. She thought back to that day and the last words she had spoken to him. " But you don't understand Xander, he was everything to me." She had been talking about Oz and how much she hurt because he had left her. Looking back now she knew that that was the reason he had left. He couldn't deal with her being so sad because Oz had left her. He never thought that she would ever see him as anything other then her 'Zeppo' friend. It had taken her so long to understand that losing Xander was far worse then anything else she could ever experience. 

In the time since Xander had been gone alot of things with his friends had changed. Giles and Buffy had finally given into their feelings for one another and started a life together. Cordy had moved away and was rumored to have been working with Angel and his crew still fighting the good fight. Willow had started dating some but never found anyone that would come close to her Xander. She missed him with everything she had in her and knew in her heart that someday she would see him again. 

Alexander LaVelle Harris sat in his kitchen. Looking over his appointments for the day. He had moved to Las Vegas and was running his own construction company. He thumbed through his day planner and noticed what today was. " It is Willow's birthday today. How could I have forgotten" he asked himself in a whisper. He walked over to his phone and called the florist shop and ordered a dozen long stemed red roses be sent to Willow for her birthday. After his phone call was made he left for work. The day went by slowly while his thoughts of Willow ran through his head. 

Willow sat in her window seat for a little while longer. Finally after an hour or so of looking outside she decided to get up and get dressed. Willow was just about to head out for a run when the door bell rang. 'Who could that be' she thought to herself. Willow opened the door to investigate who would be ringing the door bell this early in the morning. She was shocked to see a delivery man standing in front of her with a huge bouquet of flowers. "Willow Rosenberg?" he asked. "Um... yeah...I'm...uh...Willow Rosenberg" she managed to stutter out. " Delivery from a Alexander Harris for you ma'am" he said reading it off of his clip board. Willow took the flowers and thanked the delivery man with a tip and started for the kitchen. Her hands shaking she lifted the card from it's rightful place among the flowers. She placed the card on the counter and set about putting the flowers in water. A few minutes later with the flowers in water Willow turned and retreaved the card from where it lay on the counter. She never thought that her heart could beat so fast. She could feel it about to burst in her chest as she read the card that came with the flowers. " Dear Willow, Thought that these flowers would make you smile. One for every year we have known each other. Have a great Birthday. With all my love, Xander." Willow felt the tears start falling down her face. "I guess he didn't forget this year like he has before" she said to herself. She sat at the counter for a few more minutes then decided to treat today like it was any other day. She spent the rest of the day doing her normal routine and never saying anything about the flowers or who sent them to her. 

After work that day Xander headed home. He had spent the day running around working like usual. No matter what he did he still couldn't get Willow out of his mind. He thought about how life had been simple when they were younger. How she broke the yellow crayon in kindergarten and how he had comforted her and told her that everything would be ok. About how she would look at him when they were studying. How she was always his Willow...until the day that Oz came along. He had thought that she was just his best friend until that day. When he found out that Oz and Willow were dating. He had tried so hard to be her friend and secretly hoped that one day they would be more to each other. One day she would realize that her best friend wanted more from her then friendship. Oh so much more. But now that time had past. Now he was in Las Vegas and she had more then likely moved on to someone that told her what they felt the moment they felt it and didn't hide how they felt because he was afraid. 

When night came Willow, Buffy, Giles and Dawn decided to go out to dinner. Everyone gave Willow her presents and they shared a small cake to celebrate. After dinner everyone went back to Willow's apartment to watch movies and pig out on ice cream. When the girls walked into the kitchen they smiled. Dawn and Buffy looked at the flowers sitting on the counter. "Ok Will, where did you get the flowers? Secret admirer?" she asked her best friend. "Um...no...no secret admirer...just from a friend" Willow said with a far away smile on her face. "OK...well, it wasn't me or Giles or Dawn...so either you have a new friend or they are from someone else that we haven't seen or heard from in years" Buffy said a little sadder then she would have liked.

Willow looked at her friends with a sadness in here eyes that she wasn't expecting to have. " I was getting ready to go for my normal morning run when there was a knock at the door...I went to answer it and there was this delivery man there and said that these were for me...and I wasn't expecting flowers from anyone so...I put them in water and read the card." With that she handed Buffy the card and waited to hear what she would say once she had read it. Buffy took a deep breath and took the card from Willow. She read it and was completely shocked to see who it was from. What shocked her the most was what the card had said not who it was from. She knew in her heart that Xander was all grown up now and that it wouldn't be long before he admitted to himself and Willow that he was in love with her and had been almost all of their lives. When Buffy didn't say anything Willow's heart started jumping. She was sure that Buffy would have gotten angry or at the least upset and all she could see on The Slayers' face was pure happiness. Happiness she understood cause Buffy and Giles had just started their new live in lovers thing and she was all giddy about that. But she didn't understand why it is that Buffy would look like she was sooo very happy when reading the card that came with the flowers. "What's with the freaked out look Will?" Buffy asked Willow. "Um...not that I mind...but why did you look so happy when you read that card?" Willow said kinda slowly not wanting to scare her or anything. " Um...nothing Wills...just happy that you got flowers on your birthday is all...can't a Slayer be happy for her friend when she gets flowers on her birthday?" Buffy said in her own defense. 

Buffy, Willow and Dawn spent the rest of the night watching old movies and pigging out on candy and popcorn. They talked little about the flowers and who sent them. Buffy hadn't seen Xander in years but she knew that if he was sending Willow flowers it wouldn't be long before he came back to give her some in person and proclaim his undying love to her once and for all. Willow was so happy to be with her friends on her birthday yet she felt as if someone was missing and that someone was named Xander. She decided that if she was meant to see Xander again in the future she would and if not she had been dealing with it for so long it didn't matter. 

Xander looked around his apartment and thought about Willow for what seemed like the 2 millionth time that day. Every since he looked into his day planner and decided to send her the flowers she had not left his mind. He knew that he wanted to see her and tell her how he felt about her but he couldn't help but wonder if she had moved on. The last thing she had said to him was about how much Oz meant to her. What if she was still in love with Oz? How would she feel about seeing him? Would she just thank him for the flowers and leave it at that? Would she even care that he came all that way to tell her that he was in love with her and had been for years? Xander decided after what seemed like forever that he had to go to Sunnydale and see Willow if for no other reason then to look upon her face and tell her he loved her no matter the cost of his words. So he packed a bag and got into his car and set out for the 3 hour long drive to Sunnydale. 

It was a little past midnight when Willow and the girls had finished their movie fest and the Summers' women headed home. They both wished Willow a happy birthday again and headed for their house with a little small patrol sweep on the way. Willow took a bath and was getting ready for bed when she heard a very faint knocking on the french doors in her room that led to the porch. The last time someone had knocked on those doors was when Angel had come to seek her help in finding out about Buffy's friend Ford. Willow hoped that that was not the case tonight but wondered a little to herself who else would be using that door. With that thought she grabbed a small stake out of her night-stand drawer and headed for the door. With stake in hand she slowly pulled the curtain back to see who it was that was knocking at this late an hour. 

Xander pulled up out front of Willow's house and turned off the car. He had been thinking the whole way there as to what he would say to Willow when he saw her again for the first time in 4 years. He sat looking at the quiet house and was just about to turn tail and run until he saw a light come on in the room off of the porch. He knew that it had to be Willow since it didn't look like there was anyone there with her. He drew up as much courage as he could muster and got out of the car and went to the doors that led from the house to the porch and faintly knocked hoping against hope that it would be her that answered and not a man that she had been seeing. 'It's now or never ' he thought to himself. 

Willow opened the curtain to see who was knocking at this late an hour and almost fainted when she saw that it was Xander. She couldn't breathe for nearly a minute and when she did she was shaking so much that she almost passed out. She threw open the door and squeeled. " Xander, what are you...how did you...Oh My God...I can't believe that you are here" she said in a high pitched squeak. Xander smiled when he saw her. She looked even more beautiful then she had been the last time he had seen her if that was possible. When she threw open the door and started to speak he felt as if he was home. For so long he had wanted to hear her ramble like she did when she got excited and now here she was in front of him in all her glory rambling again and he didn't think he could be happier. 

Willow could not believe her eyes when she saw Xander. She had wished for years that she would see him again. She had missed HIM even more then she had missed Oz when he left. She had secretly been in love with Xander since she was old enough to know what love was. But because he had a crush on Buffy in High School and didn't seem to notice her at all she went with Oz. He was a nice guy that she thought would never hurt her and she had grown to love him in the time that they had been together. But when Oz left and Xander shortly there after Willow had taken it hard and closed herself off to almost everyone. She still spoke to Buffy and Giles but didn't date hardly at all and even though people asked her out all the time she always made excuses as to why she couldn't date them. She had been secretly praying that someday she would be able to give herself to the one man that she had loved since she could remember...Xander. 

After what seemed like eternity Xander spoke. "Hey Will, just wanted to drop by and see how ya liked your flowers this morning " he said in his most Xander fashion with a bright grin upon his face. Willow dropped the stake that she had been holding at the sound of his voice and gently started to weep. Xander walked across the threshold of the door and gathered her to him. He gently stroked her cheek and told her not to cry. " Shhh, Will, I'm here baby " he whispered to her. Willow relaxed a little into his embrace and lifted her eyes to his. " Where have you been? I've been looking for you for years and it was like you dropped off the face of the planet. I've missed you so much Xander. Didn't you miss me at all?" she said through her tears. Xander smiled gently down into her eyes. " Willow, you have no idea how much I have missed you...everyone really...but you more then anyone else " he said a little above a whisper. Willow slowly let out a breath that she wasn't even aware that she had been holding when he spoke to her. For so long she had wanted to be where she was at this very moment and now that she was here it didn't seem real to her. Xander felt as if his whole life had come down to this one moment in time and he knew that he had to tell her how he felt about her before he lost his nerve. Taking Willow by the hand he led her to her bed and sat her down and knelt down in front of her. She went with him willingly and when he knelt in front of her she couldn't help but wonder what he was doing. Xander smiled up at her from his position on the floor and took a deep breath before beginning. " Willow, when I left it was not because I didn't love you or anything. It was because I did love you...do love you and when Oz left you were so upset about him leaving and I thought that you would never SEE me for anything but your friend. I couldn't deal with that so I did what I always do...I ran away. Away from Sunnydale and away from you. I wasn't thinking about you...I was thinking about me. I'm so sorry that I left you baby. I love you Willow...that is to say that I am IN love with you. I have been since I was old enough to know what love was and when I saw you with Oz it almost killed me. I didn't know how to deal with it so I tried to play the cool friend but when he left and you told me that he meant everything to you I couldn't handle it...so I left. I know that alot of time has passed since we have seen each other and you will never know how many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking about you and missing you and wishing that we could be together like I always wished we could. I know that my coming here doesn't change the fact that I left or anything that I have done to you by being gone but I am asking you to give me the chance that I couldn't give us when we were younger cause I was a child that thought as a child and loved as a child. We're both adults now and I want my life to be with you...that is if you will have me." he said tears streaming down his face. Willow sat in silence as she listened to Xander's speech. She felt so many emotions that she couldn't explain. When she saw his tears fall she gently wiped them from his cheeks and smiled down at him. She had waited for so long for him to tell her that he loved her...was IN love with her. When she was sure that he was done talking she looked into his eyes and with no hesitation she gently pressed her lips to his. The sparks that happened between them made the air crackle with the magick that the two of them created together. Xander was taken aback for a brief second and then he responded to the kiss that was given to him by the woman that he loved. The couple stayed that way for a few more minutes until breathing became an issue. Willow smiled down at him. " Xander, you have no idea how much you telling me all of this means to me. I thought for a long time after you left that it was because you hated me. I closed myself off to everyone that wasn't Giles and Buffy...I didn't date or anything for such a long time. I can't remember when I looked outside and saw anything but pain and dispair. This morning when I got my flowers from you I felt so happy that you remembered my birthday...remembered me. After the last 3 years I wasn't even sure that you remembered me let alone my birthday. But you did...you do. And now you are telling me that you love me...that you're IN love with me. When I was with Oz it was just to fill the void in my heart that was you. You were in love with Buffy and when I thought that you wouldn't see me for anything but you're friend I decided that I would find someone that would love me for me. So I started dating Oz and I grew to love him but the love that I had for him could NEVER compare to the love that I had...HAVE for you. I love you Alexander...and I have wanted nothing since I was 5 but for my life to be with you." Xander smiled up at the goddess that was HIS Willow. Seeing the love that she had for him shining in her eyes he knew that his life was about to take a drastic turn for the better. They would work out the details of thier lives another night but for tonight they would get to know one another again. Mind, body and soul. 


End file.
